The Big D

Do you like roller coasters? When you go to an amusement park, do you immediately head for a roller coaster? Whether yes or no is your answer, I’d have to say from me you’d hear a huge and resounding “No way.” I don’t want anything in my playtime to go up and down while it shakes me this way and that. I think I feel that way because all that shake-up reminds me too much of real life, which is always taking this family for an unexpected ride that feels like a roller coaster. That said for me, those rides are usually a bearable thing. I can hang on throughout the excitement, and look forward to the easier time. But when I play, I don’t want all that excitement. Yet, there are times though, in our real life adventure, when life turns out to be more than “all that excitement.” It is the dull pounding experience of depression.

Call it the blues (if it’s a mild case) or clinical depression (if it’s more advanced)… It still boils down to a slow ride to nowhere, which begins with fatigue. We’re tired of the same ole thing, or we’re tired of not getting where we want to go when we work so very hard, or we’re tired of listening to the same ole patter from a friend. We’re tired! And maybe we just need sleep! Depression is the result of something either being constantly too much or constantly not enough. (There is also that kind of depression that can result from a young person passing into/through puberty where blood levels changing can cause depression as a result of improper chemistry; but for our part today, we will not consider this.)

Have I been there with the Big D? Yes… From my perspective, I grew up with an ability to listen to others and learn through life situations. Oh I still felt the pain but, I have these genes in my family that don’t let me lie down or let life over-take me; as my grandmother was fond of saying, “We rise to the occasion.” For better or for worse, these are my people… My father was a fighter; my two grandmothers were the same kind of person. For my brother, it was always a scientific experience.

What a beautiful thing it was to watch my brother capture the skill to fight his own depression. First he dealt with the symptoms and listed what he experienced inside of himself. Then, after writing them down he committed the symptoms to memory; and, he personally noted in Self and others when his symptoms appeared. He noted how many times they appeared in each of his friends, what was happening at the moment of noted depression, and how it progressed in him.

Do you recognize the Scientific Method? Those are the six steps, which are taught to science students around seventh grade, but which most of us forget… Yet he remembered and used them to help himself in life. (Isn’t that, after all, what education is for? To help us live? How many times have you heard someone say, “I didn’t learn a thing in school,” when all along they themselves were stubbornly and perhaps arrogantly refusing to use the knowledge and instead stumble alone on their own?)

In case you don’t remember, the Scientific Method consists of these steps:
Ask questions
Do background research (to answer your questions)
Construct a hypothesis
Test the hypothesis
Analyze your data and draw a conclusion
Communicate the results

So I had observed my brother asking questions and doing background research… And, one day while out on a walk he announced to me that some people have allowed in their lives such a strong and unique habit of being unhappy, that he concluded they found happiness in the scenario of unhappiness. Ergo, they had actually begun to enjoy their pain at some sick level. Intriguing, yes?

His hypothesis was this… Happiness cannot be found in an oxymoron; therefore happiness must be sought out in actively pursuing a positive path rather than the previously mentioned destructive one. And this, he did. He constructed a path to test his hypothesis by noting his own symptoms and pursuing positive choices to counter act it, one symptom at a time.

Fatigue was the first and foremost symptom. When he was tired, he slept. The result was positive. Second came the affect of sound. Too much sound appeared to increase or at least, not allow depression to dissipate. Then, together we concurred that the radio, TV, and phone (and today we would add Internet/computer, cell phones, ipads, ipods, and any other modern technology) must be eliminated by turning them all off and being either alone in a quiet room uninterrupted or outside away from people and conversation in nature. This also had a positive response. Another was talking… Which meant to either calm down enough to only listen or to periodically remove conversation and people from life altogether (for a brief period). Continuing, we agreed that food also made a huge difference: No sugar, at all! Eliminating sugar and replacing it with plenty of water coupled with healthy food like vegetables and fruits that are balanced with a healthy dose of protein was key to better mental health.

All analysis of data and our conclusions led us to believe that holding on to happiness seemed to be a healthy choice of pro-active living. Happiness is not altogether a destination; rather, it is a choice, which we ourselves must make. And, happiness (more than not) leads to the dismissal of depression.

To recap, we must (when depression or the blues are an issue) examine our symptoms, research for positive action, construct a plan and test it, and in the end we must come to a conclusion as to how we treat the symptoms. Did this work for my brother? Yes.

I still find myself checking out my personal path, now and again, when depression seems to be slowing me down. Am I too tired? Are there too many people and conversations in my life, too much of the wrong kind of foods? Have I a need for silence? Any of these, in any order and in any combination, appears to require a change in plans to regain balance in life.

While these were my brother’s and my conclusions, mine extended in an additional direction. I found for myself that if I was still feeling the blues after health issues were addressed (healthy issues being sleep, proper food, solitude, etc.) then I might need to do something that soothed my soul. For myself, that would be music. Shakespeare said that “Music hath the power to sooth the savage beast.” And well it does! I can sing or play the piano and find happiness. I can hear music and find it as well. I can even find it by attending a concert, and experience the music with others who also enjoy it. But be careful… If your happy activity can become an addiction, then it will do you no good! Addictions kill from the inside out.

Men and women have turned to drugs, sexual activity, and alcohol for their happy place and that doesn’t last. Keep in mind that an activity that has to be repeated time and time again to keep you happy has become an addiction and also a severe symptom of the greater problem, which is the depression. If you or I were to find this hypothesis to ring true, then professional help is the next order of business, to retrieve Self and a happy life.

Ever watch someone self-destruct through depression and addiction? It is a terrible experience for both the person who is ill and those who love him/her. Intervention is sometimes necessary to stop this stubborn person who is going down the sewer. Intervention is reportedly best with several men and women present who deeply care about the perspective patient. And, we are all of us often guilty of running away because the person is ugly in their illness and subsequent addiction(s). Instead, we all must steal ourselves to be steady with either that afore said help and/or prayer for the end of the illness in a successful venue. If you can’t take that stubbornly sick person through intervention, pray for help to find others who CAN.

My brother had no addictions in his depression. And, while he might have a setback now and again, he was able to heal himself through changes that took him to a healthy and happy place. I have known those who have sunk into addictions and some who actually attempted suicide (the ugliest of all symptoms of depression). If you know anyone or you yourself are even remotely aware of an addiction (perhaps someone has suggested that you have an addiction), I carefully and lovingly encourage you to seek professional help before your life is taken from you through jail sentences, family that don’t or can’t understand and might ultimately leave you alone to your losses, or God forbid you consider taking your own life. These are not solutions! Keep in mind that people LOVE you, that you are lovable; and, that you must above all, respect yourself enough to get help!

I hope this piece has been informative, especially to the person who requested that I write it. Coming from a perspective of knowing many who have been at both extremes (blues, to suicide attempts and addictions), I wish you all a healthy and happy life through prayerful and positive living. Nobody has to be alone… May you find the sunshine instead of the constant rain of doom and gloom.

Best… Carolyn Thomas Temple

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